dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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