She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
