we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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