dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
