I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
