I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
