im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
