Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
