3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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