The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
