I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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