your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
