Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize