Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
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Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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