What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
