I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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