My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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