I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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