you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
