when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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