you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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