how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
