I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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