I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
