We got so high we made milksteak
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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