The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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