I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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