just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I cut my penus on the lid.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
