i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
