I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you had me at cake vodka
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
