We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
