Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
