I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
