well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
