you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
