Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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