I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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