k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
