the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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