those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
