oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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