Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
