Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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