this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize