EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
