I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
