so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
