is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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