then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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