I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
