Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
