I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
