I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
