I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
