So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
