I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
