I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
