You're a womanizer and a bitch.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
