The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
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I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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