I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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