Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
