Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I will pee on everything he values.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
