I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
