Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
