dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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