its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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