my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
