hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
