the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
