dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
