On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize