Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
