He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No...this little piggys going to the bar
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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