I'm gonna have a badass scar
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
