fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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