I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
