cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
