Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
