You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
